I desperately needed positive energy at that time. I heard about it because incels were saying what a bullshit sub it was, but in the end it helped me, and I found it more helpful than incel subs. When I decided this, I left some incel subs and I joined the Incel Exit sub and started asking questions on there instead. I wasn’t going to leave my real life friends. “Sometimes I wondered who was wrong: was it my friends or was it random people on the internet? The decision was easy. But I would then go back and forth from the forums. Then I realised I might be going in the wrong direction and I wanted to stop. “I shared some of the ideas I heard on the forums with my friends and my friends didn’t like the ideas. “The focus on the way people look was relieving, because it made you feel like there’s no use worrying about it – you have an explanation for why you are in the situation you are, you don’t have to feel bad about yourself for not realising your potential because you don’t have a potential. A lot of men don't have access to this outside of a romantic relationship, and the touch-starved feeling can do a lot of damage to your mental health. Sex isn't that important, but many people including myself really crave physical intimate touch like hugging, holding hands and cuddling. Now that I've slept with several people, I know that if you’re not sexually compatible it can actually be very unpleasant. Most of my life, sex felt like this magical thing but it’s really not. “When I had sex for the first time, I realised that nothing changed. I feel gender stereotypes have kept me down for a long time, and incels really enforce them. The red pill thing does really turn me off to the community, since it's so hopeless and there’s no real way to argue out of it. But having regular communication with women was an essential part of me leaving, as well as having female friends. I think it started with me looking up social anxiety support and gradually I found them. They definitely affected my mindset and made my world-view more toxic, but because misery loves company, I kept going back. I'd be on them for hours at a time – they were addictive. I used incel forums the most around 2016. “I've had sex with both men and women, so largely because of that I don’t call myself an incel anymore, but I feel it’s more of a mindset today than actually being a virgin. ‘I FEEL IT’S MORE OF A MINDSET TODAY THAN ACTUALLY BEING A VIRGIN’
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